As a mother of eight children, I can admit that the realities of motherhood came as quite a surprise. The truth is, before becoming a mother, I had worked in childcare for eight years and was pursuing a degree in Child and Adolescent Psychology. In my mind, I just knew that parenting would be easy because I knew all the tricks of the trade. Needless to say, on the way home from bringing my first daughter from the hospital, I sobbed like a baby. The weight of caring for another person from now until Jesus comes was overwhelming and unimaginable. There was no self-help book, sermon, or pieces of advice from veterans that could prepare me for this!
I will be the first to admit that the first eight years of my parenting journey were full of tears, putting myself in time out to have a moment to catch my breath, and wondering if I was cut out for this mission called motherhood.
Yet, looking back I believe these feelings of inadequacy were sparked by myths I had grown to believe. These myths made me feel like if my home wasn’t perfect, my children weren’t the best behaved, and I didn’t have a smile at all times, I wasn’t doing parenting right. Fortunately, since then, God has shown me the beauty of releasing my parenting journey to him. Each day, He has taught me how to combat these lies brought on by society that I must be perfect.
Today, I want to share with you four myths that Christian mothers often believe and the truth we can find in God’s Word:
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1. There Is One "Right" Way to Parent
Being a speaker and author of a book for moms, I am often asked for specific advice on how to parent. Moms often ask me questions that everyone is begging to know. What is the best way to discipline? How much screen time should be allowed? How do you handle teens who talk back or toddlers who throw tantrums? Almost every time, my answer is the same, “Have you prayed about it?” Although this may seem like a cliché phrase, one thing I have learned is that God will give you precise instructions for your exact child if you are willing to ask. As a mom of many, I have learned that no two children are alike. Each child requires a unique level of attention, discipline tactics, and specific instruction to see them grow and mature into who God has called them to be. There is no one-size-fits-all for parenting.
For this reason, we must recognize that our children belong to God first. He knows them from the inside out! In fact, before you knew their gender, name, or the sound of their cry, He knew them. As we see in Psalm 139, He knit them together in the womb and knows their thoughts. Thus, we can trust Him for the plan to see our children reach their maximum potential. May we not be afraid to ask our loving Father for instructions on how to raise the children He has entrusted us with. As said in James 1:5, He will not rebuke us for asking for wisdom, ever!
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2. It's a Mother's Job to Protect Her Children at All Cost
Perhaps this was the greatest myth I allowed myself to believe. In my mind, I had latched onto the belief of being a “mama bear.” To be a mama bear, I needed to always protect my cubs, willing to fight, defend, and attack anyone or anything that attempted to hurt my babies. Whether it be a sickness or a school bully, no one could stand in the way of my need to protect. I soon found out after my daughter’s diagnosis of epilepsy and too many school bullies to count that this mission was impossible. Although my role is to use wisdom for my children and their whereabouts, doing all I can to keep them healthy, there are many times I can't be with them, and my best solution to their life woes is to always be in prayer!
For many years, the stress of trying to control every moment and keeping my children from any form of emotional or physical pain was unbearable. I simply didn’t have the power or ability to be in all places at all times to protect them at all costs. This myth of being the sole protector of my family put all the responsibility on my shoulders and excluded the truth of God’s sovereignty in their lives. Instead of taking on this burden, I have learned to seek the Lord in all things and trust Him for the answer. Whether choosing the type of schooling to deciding if my children can participate in a sleepover, my role is to seek God and await the answer. I can admit this leads to me saying “No” to my children often. Yet, trusting God to protect my children requires me to lay down what I think is best and be fully reliant on what He deems best.
Often, I remember Philippians 4:6-7 when anxiety over my children attempts to kick in. In this, I find peace and know that He cares for my children more than I ever could:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
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3. Good Mothers Should Never Become Frustrated or Overwhelmed
I have yet to meet a mother who never felt overwhelmed by parenting. For many years, I believed this feeling meant that I wasn’t “doing it right” or I didn’t trust God enough. I couldn’t understand why some moms looked so happy and at peace and my hair was everywhere on top of my head from exhaustion. The truth is, I believed the lie that being a good mother, or Christian for that matter, meant I should always have joy and be at peace. One thing is for sure, if you have any amount of kids and they are involved in any form of activities, you will have moments of feeling overwhelmed. It is important to not see this as a sign of bad parenting but rather as an adjustment that needs to be made.
When we feel overwhelmed, it could be for a variety of reasons. Perhaps we are not getting enough rest, our children are in too many activities, we need a different strategy for discipline, or just need a mom community to share our feelings. Sometimes, the issue itself is a need to deepen our relationship with God so that we can be more Spirit-led than emotion-led. Whatever the case may be, frustration, anxiety, and depression are like warning signs saying, “May Day! May Day! Something needs to shift.”
Rather than internalizing these feelings or settling that this is “just the way it is,” ask the Lord for your next best step for your home. This doesn’t mean things will always be easy. If you have a child with special needs, are a military spouse or widow parenting on your own, or have more responsibilities than time allows, give yourself the grace to know that God is with you, and He sees your private cries for help! May the Lord remain your constant source of strength even when times feel overwhelming.
“I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.
They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed.
This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.” Psalm 34:4-8
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4. Your Child's Salvation Is Your Responsibility
Perhaps one of the greatest myths that Christian parents take on is the belief that their child’s salvation is their responsibility. Yet, the Bible doesn’t give us this much credit for any person’s salvation. It is important to rightly consider our responsibility in sharing the Good News with our children or we will take this weight onto ourselves. We are to share God’s commands, be mindful of anything that draws people away, and train our children up in the Lord. However, it is ultimately their personal choice to accept or deny the Lord as their Savior. Sadly, many mothers carry much guilt when their child walks away from Christ or explores a different faith. To this, my encouragement is to simply love them anyway.
The reality is that God has given us each free will. To assert the belief that we can control our children’s free will places unnecessary stress on us and them! Instead, we should pray for a strategy to reach their heart with the gospel.
In my new book, Warrior Mother: Equipping Your Heart to Fight For Your Family’s Faith, I suggest the following ways to draw your children to Christ:
-Model your faith- Make an active choice to live out your personal faith with Christ. Let your child catch you reading the Bible, praying, serving your church community, and walking in love.
-Bring Christ to your everyday scenarios- Instead of just teaching Bible stories, invite Christ into everyday conversations. For example, instead of simply giving your child a hug when they are hurt, pray for them in real-time. Instead, of just saying “Bullies are just jealous of you,” talk to them about how to handle difficult people in light of how Christ handled His enemies. In this way, the Bible isn’t just a grouping of stories but a model for real life.
-Purchase a Bible or devotional that connects with them on their level. Whether a children’s Bible, a student bible, or a magazine-styled devotional, just as Jesus spoke in parables to help people understand in simple terms, our children can be introduced to the Word in a way that is practical to them.
-Be their greatest cheerleader- One way to encourage children to know God more is to devote yourself to loving them past their flaws and mistakes. Making the choice to love them on purpose and not shun them for walking away from Christ or struggling in their faith will help you be a “safe place” for them when times are difficult. This is a great opportunity to show your child God’s unconditional love and be a true witness for Christ!
My prayer for you today is that you break free from the pressure of these myths. May God continue to show you the truth of His will for you and your family!
"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.'" Proverbs 31:25-30
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Originally published Tuesday, 07 May 2024.
