As Christians, we're called to serve and love one another. In our relationships, we are to sacrifice ourselves to give to the other person. However, people who struggle with narcissistic tendencies think only of themselves. They have difficulty empathizing with others and tend to put themselves first in every situation. This can cause tremendous strain on any relationship. If one person is giving to the other and the other person only thinks of themselves, the relationship is simply one-way.
Additionally, narcissists want to keep the people closest to them all to themselves. They don't want them to have healthy relationships with people outside of them, or else they may be convinced to leave their relationship because of its toxicity. While it's important to love others as we love ourselves, it is also important to keep narcissists accountable so that they may change their behavior and see their faults. Here are five insights into overcoming narcissistic relationships:
1. Where the Spirit of the Lord Is, There Is Freedom
Christ died on the cross so we may live in liberty and freedom. He never once was bound by toxic, selfish relationships. If you feel you're living with a narcissist, do what you can to live in freedom. Develop healthy relationships with people outside of that narcissistic relationship. Allow those people to be your sounding board when you need wise counsel. More than likely, those people who comment after witnessing a narcissist's behavior may counsel you to leave that relationship. With the Holy Spirit, we are called to live in freedom and liberty. Never let a narcissist keep you bound in their selfishness. Christ died so we may be free in every relationship.
2. You Are Never Alone
We were never meant to be alone. With God, we always have Him to listen to and to be our source of strength. We can cry and pour our hearts out to Him. Even if a narcissist keeps you from having other healthy relationships, you can always have a healthy relationship in God. Pray and ask the Lord what to do in the situation.
Furthermore, pray and ask Him to place in your life people with whom you can get your emotional needs met, as a narcissist is selfish in his wants or needs. Having good people who love and care for you is essential in surviving a relationship with a toxic person. God Himself exists in three persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. God stated that being alone was good for us: "The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18). We were all meant to have people in our lives who come alongside us to love and care for us. God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit all work in tandem together. In the same way, we are encouraged to live our lives in step with God.
3. Pride Comes Before a Fall
"If you think you are standing firm, be careful you don't fall." Pride is one of the many causes of destruction in a person's life. An arrogant person who is confident they know all will soon find themselves humbled by the Lord. Jesus promises, "Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but anyone who humbles himself will be exalted" (Luke 14:11). Narcissists tend to think they know it all. Arrogance and pride rule their lives. However, the Lord will humble those who choose to put themselves first rather than put others first. It is tempting to want to act in the same way a narcissist acts. However, we need to act with grace and mercy with them as we do with everyone else. Do your best to act with Christ-like character, showing grace and forgiveness when a narcissist tends to think about himself only. Demonstrate gratitude when the narcissist acts in accordance with the way he should act.
4. Walk in Step with the Spirit
If the narcissist is a male spouse, it may be especially difficult for a woman to know how to act in that situation. Ephesians 5:22-24 tells us, "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
The woman may have difficulty understanding submission if she needs to submit to someone who only thinks about himself. But there are exceptions to this rule. If the spouse only thinks about himself, he is not following Ephesians 5, and she is not bound to submit to him. She is bound to submit to Christ as stated above in verse one: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Above all, she should submit to Christ. Christ never acts out of selfish ambition but thinks about others rather than Himself. As she walks in step with the Spirit and learns to become more in tune with what the Spirit is saying, she has permission to follow whatever that step may be. The Spirit will order her steps.
Related:
Understanding the Biblical Concept of Submission in Christian Marriage
5 Ways to Heal in Your Relationship with a Narcissistic Spouse
5. End the Relationship
Although not ideal, sometimes a relationship with a narcissist must end. If a narcissist does not want to change his ways, it is time to end it. If boundaries have been put in place and those boundaries have been crossed, the person has a right to terminate the relationship. Sometimes, the biggest barrier to freedom is being alone. Have a heart-to-heart conversation with this person to let them know you need to draw a line. If the following conditions have not been met after you have set those conditions, follow through and end the relationship. It will be difficult at first, but in the end, you may find you are a healthier person, and your relationships are healthier as a result. After all, "bad company corrupts good character." Even the best person will soon become like the people they are around for a long period. A narcissist's example is not one you want to set for yourself. To exemplify Christ-like behavior, sometimes you may need to leave the relationship and have some distance to become a better person.
Any relationship with a narcissist can be difficult. Yet, by setting good boundaries, creating healthy relationships with others, cultivating your relationship with God, and walking in step with the Spirit, you can learn to live within the confines of that relationship. However, if, after several conversations, that person is not willing to change their ways, it may be time to terminate their relationship. God never wants us in destructive or emotionally abusive relationships. Since emotional abuse is more difficult to detect, it may be more challenging to identify. Yet, when someone is only thinking of themselves and neglecting your needs, it is an emotionally abusive relationship. Take the steps needed to care for yourself and terminate the relationship. In the end, God will honor your willingness to love yourself, and, in turn, you will love others better because of it.
Originally published Friday, 15 March 2024.
