“Why am I still single?”
I remember asking God that exact question one night as I sat in my car after yet another fun-filled wedding—celebrating someone else’s love story while wondering when mine would begin. My eyes were filled with tears during the ceremony, and I want to say it was because I was so happy for my friends, but in all honesty, they were tears of despair. Despair that this may never happen for me, that the idea of getting married to someone I truly love is just a pipedream. That God has forgotten me.
Unfortunately, this feeling is all too common for single Christians. The pressure from our culture to get married and the jealousy that comes with seeing your friends go down the aisle and start their own families—I know I wasn’t alone in feeling like this.
Looking back on how I used to feel, now that I have met my wife on the SALT Christian dating app and have a little boy to boot, I realize I was worried for nothing. Honestly, I wish I’d just focused more on being the man God called me to be rather than worrying all the time about my future. Singleness, especially for Christians, can feel like a waiting room, but what if it’s actually a training ground? What if, instead of just waiting, we started building—a stronger faith, healthier habits, and a life that honors God no matter our relationship status?
I want Christians to be able to find freedom and feel empowered in their singleness, so here are five habits I wished I’d adopted as a single Christian—not just to prepare for marriage (though they’ll help with that, too), but to live a full life right now in the present season you’re in:
1. Prioritize Your Relationship with God
Proverbs 3:6: “In everything you do, put God first.”
As important as the relationship with your future spouse is (and trust me, it matters that you get on well with the person you marry!), no relationship is as important as your connection with your creator. If you’re longing for a strong, Christ-centered marriage someday, the best thing you can do now is cultivate a strong relationship with God. Your future spouse will thank you, and hopefully, this will serve as somewhat of a litmus test to decide who you should marry (do they have the same passion for Jesus as me? Can we connect spiritually as well as emotionally/physically?).
There’s no formula for how to grow your relationship with God, but one piece of advice is to simply be intentional about it. Set aside time every day when no one else is around and pray, worship, and read your Bible. Make it non-negotiable. Go deep into the Word, not just reading it but studying it and reading about the cultural background of the writers and intended audience of the various books of the Bible. Journal your thoughts so you can look back and see how far you’ve come. Talk to God and, most importantly, listen for that still, quiet voice.
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2. Surround Yourself with Healthy Community
“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another.” Hebrews 10:24
No man is an island, as they say, although it really can feel that way as a single Christian sometimes. All the more reason to get plugged in and surround yourself with a community of people who don’t just share your faith but your passions and are people you connect with. Find friends you can go deep with and open up about your feelings and experiences.
If you’re not sure where to start with this, try serving in a ministry or small group at your church so you can grow alongside other believers. Find friends you want to “do life” with—covenant friendships and relationships with people you really click with. Put yourself out there in community, and you might just find that special someone in the process, too!
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3. Improve Yourself
As fun as it is to enjoy being single (and there’s definitely loads of time for that!), you’ll thank yourself for focusing on self-improvement and becoming the person who will be ready for whatever God has next for you. This isn’t just about spiritual connection, but it’s the "boring" stuff, too—being physically and emotionally healthy.
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies.” Proverbs 17:22
Go to the gym. Eat healthy food. Go to therapy (yes, therapy!). Real strength is about being vulnerable and acknowledging your weaknesses. It can be one of the most difficult things you ever do, but if you can find out what you need to work on, you’ve already taken the first step to becoming a better person. This isn’t even advice to get you ready for marriage—this is just a good way to live, for your own sake. Being healthy will make you a happier and more well-balanced person.
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4. Be Intentional
“Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’” Matthew 5:37
It’s so easy as a single person to get comfortable and just “let life happen." I speak from experience here—when you’re not married, have no kids, and have less responsibility other than work, it can be so tempting to just hit the “coast” button. While it may feel like a harmless thing, it’s a waste because this is your time to grow and go after what you want in life before it becomes more complicated.
Find your calling and your passions. Go to university. Build your career. Buy a house. Be intentional about the things you want in your life, and then when you do meet someone, there’s a firm foundation for them to share their life with yours. And if you don’t meet someone, then at least you’ve got your life in order and are going after what God has put on your heart, which is fulfilling in and of itself.
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5. Approach Dating with Wisdom and Respect
Don’t take this as me saying you must date and pursue a spouse—that message is outdated. I know that marriage and relationships aren’t for everybody, and that’s totally okay. But if getting married is something you yearn for, then approach dating with an open mind and a guarded heart.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23
We hope, even on God-honoring dating apps and within church circles, that people have the right intentions, but even well-meaning people will bring their own baggage into relationships, and it’s important that you don’t commit too quickly or get your hopes up without spending time to get to know people first. Don’t rush into anything, even if your hormones are pumping and the connection is there. Be wise and discerning, and take your time in dating. You will be happy you did, so that when you find that person, you can grow together in a healthy and mature way.
Being a single Christian can be a lot more difficult than people realize, especially since most Christians tend to get married a full decade before their non-Christian counterparts, which puts a lot of pressure on Christians to find someone. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to be single, and even if you want to find someone, don’t give in to the pressure: grow and discover at your own pace. And when that time comes, you’ll be so glad you did.
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Originally published Tuesday, 04 March 2025.
