Unfortunately, after years of marriage, many wives are saying they are dissatisfied and leaving their husbands. Instead of being committed for better or worse, in sickness and health, and till death do us part, The New York Times reports that women over 40 are initiating 60 percent of divorces.
Realizing discontent feelings in a marriage don’t just happen overnight for a woman but build-up over the years, it’s vital for wives to learn early on how to love their husbands before reaching a point where they desert their relationships.
For women who want to avoid the pitfall of discontentment, here are five ways to love your husband.
1. Listen to What He is Saying
My family still laughs about the time I had laryngitis on a family road trip and my husband didn’t stop talking to me the entire trip. Free from any of my verbal interruptions, he chatted non-stop for hours. Ours daughter said they didn’t know he liked to talk so much and I realized just how much he wants to talk to me.
Years later I’m still learning from that experience. 1 Peter 3:1 instructs me to give myself to my husband, so each morning I make it a point to offer my husband an opportunity to talk to me, to have my undivided attention. Before he leaves for work, I sit on the patio, drink coffee with him, and listen to what he is saying.
2. Respect His Viewpoints
My husband and I sometimes disagree on the best approach or method to accomplish a household chore. Recently when we had a difference of opinion in how to cut up Romaine lettuce, I gave in to his method. Since he is confident his way is a better approach and it’s not really important to me, I chop it his way.
Although cutting it my way is still my first choice rather than making it a point of contention between us, I decided to follow 1 Peter 3:2’s suggestion to win my husband over with my behavior. Choosing his method lets him know his viewpoints are being heard and respected.
Over the years I’ve learned that yielding to my husband’s preference without creating conflict, softens his heart towards me and to God.
3. Speak Life to Him
Although “I’m With Grumpy” t-shirts seem funny and may get the point across, Scripture states that life and death are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). As a wife, it’s good to examine my words to see if I am speaking life to my husband and also to myself about my husband.
Proverbs 19:23 states “The hearts of the wise make their mouths prudent, and their lips promote instruction.”
Even if my husband is acting like Grumpy, the last thing to do is to reinforce it. What’s more helpful is to choose my words wisely, ones that encourage and build him up. Overall what I say about him to family, friends, to him, and even myself, affect my feelings towards him.
4. Love Him From the Inside Out
My fours daughters will tell you I enjoy stylish clothes, cute shoes, make-up, exercising, and more. And it’s okay to make the most of my appearance, just so it isn’t my primary focus for obtaining beauty.
Scripture cautions me on making my outward appearance more important than my spiritual condition stating, “physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things” (1 Timothy 4:8). Devoting time to studying scripture, prayer, fasting, and more helps me to sow to my Spirit (Galatians 6:8).
As well, 1 Peter 3:3-4 encourages me to be beautiful from the inside out, to let the inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit be my center of attention, which is of great worth in God’s sight and an effective tool for God to work in my husband’s life.
Since God created my husband and knows him intimately better than I do, I can trust His guidance in how to touch his heart and draw him closer to Himself, and to me. And when my husband’s relationship with God grows deeper, his love for me deepens, too.
5. Help Him
Genesis 2:18 describes how God created woman to be a helpmate to man. Sometimes as a wife, the practical needs like contributing extra income, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, and caring for the children can become the focus in fulfilling this role.
Still there’s a relational and spiritual aspect to being a helpmate that often gets neglected in the busyness of life but is vital to the overall effectiveness of a wife’s role as a helpmate.
As a wife in reacting to my husband, it’s important to make my actions and responses based on God’s Word rather than on how my husband may be acting at various times. As challenging as it may seem, even when he may come across as harsh, fussy, or aggravated towards me, I can choose to yield to God’s leading in responding to him rather than my own emotions.
1 Peter 3:1-2 teaches that my behavior without even saying a word can help my husband to believe God’s Word. A wife’s pure and reverent behavior is much more effective than a ton of words.
Me telling him what scripture says about his behavior, how it’s not pleasing to God, and how he should change, usually isn’t very effective in the situation. In fact it’s more likely to have the opposite affect, causing him to tune out my words.
However, when I submit myself to God’s way of responding to my husband, I’m helping him to be able to believe, understand, and apply scripture to his life, along with helping his prayers to be answered (1 Peter 3:5-7).
Loving for Keeps
Instead of walking away from their marriages, my hope is wives will choose to love their husbands till death do they part by listening to what he is saying, respecting his viewpoints, speaking life to him, loving him from the inside out, and helping him.
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Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.
Images from: Thinkstock.com, Unsplash.com
Originally published Tuesday, 26 September 2017.
