8 Proven Ways to Connect with Your Teen

They say the way to a heart is through food! All ages and genders enjoy the art of putting together ingredients to make something delicious to enjoy together. My little kids, all the way up to the older ones, get giddy at the chance to stir the cookies, scoop them onto the pan, and watch them bake in the oven. Everyone in the family enjoys actually eating them. 

My oldest son also gets excited when he's allowed to have an extra treat just because he's taken the time to bake it. I will work alongside him in the kitchen to help guide him as he gathers what he needs to make a pie, a cake, or whatever else he is craving. It's fun to create with each other. 

Eating meals altogether at the table can be surprisingly tricky! Even as a homeschooling family, we struggle to sit down simultaneously and share a meal. This is mostly my fault as I am typically rushed to feed the toddlers or get the big kids out of the house for swim practice, meaning I forgo sitting with them while they eat. 

Mealtime is special and should be cherished as a slower part of the day where we take time to talk to each other about what's going on in our lives. This shared meal doesn't have to be dinner! You can set aside breakfast as the chance to check in before everyone leaves the house and goes their own way, or maybe lunchtime is the best chance to check in with your people. Find a rhythm that works and make sitting to eat and chat a cherished time in your home. 

My kids love to hear about the kinds of babies and toddlers they were. They light up when I tell them how they hated the feeling of sand, stood up for their siblings, or loved to sing. Sometimes, before bed, they will spend an hour sitting with me, asking me to tell them stories about when they were babies. Reviewing the past together helps keep them feeling connected to your family unit and, most of the time, makes them laugh, too! 

There are always household chores to be done! Either there are leaves to rake, Christmas lights to put up or take down, oil to change in cars, DIY projects to complete around the house, and more! Include your kids in completing these projects. It's a great chance for them to learn a skill. It's also much easier to talk when you are occupied; it takes some pressure off the conversation. While raking, ask them how they are doing, what they are learning, and how they are feeling challenged. You will hear more from your kids because they are working hard to complete a project and pass the time with you. 

In our house, we have five kids ranging from age 11 to 2 years old. It's a wild place. I've found that as our home grows fuller, the need for intentional one-on-one dates together is vital. Just last week, I took my three-year-old daughter out for a donut, and she was over the moon to have some special time with mommy. Later that day, my husband took our two-year-old son out for a pastry, and the boy was bouncing with joy. Our kids show up differently when we take time to be alone with them with the intention of just being together. Our middle son is quieter than his siblings, so if we want to hear his heart, we need to get him in the car alone. 

My kids also relish being spoiled, which just boosts the general feeling of love in our home!

As our kids age, their friendships become more essential to their lives. If we want to connect with our kids, we must invest in knowing what their village looks like. This can be tough when our kids are busy at work, school, sports, and more! Yet, if you are willing to host and provide a lot of snacks, your kids' closest buddies will gladly come. You don't have to spend all your time hanging out with them. Still, you can make yourself available to be around to hear what their conversations are about, ask them thoughtful questions, and invest in knowing your child as a person who is a part of their own special community. 

Teen years are likely to bring up some tougher conversations. Our kids are growing up in an even more chaotic world than we did. We need to be honest with them about what we see them facing and give them wise advice. We also have to lovingly be willing to just listen to them as it's now time for them to start deciding who they want to be on their own. They need you as a support, truth giver, sounding board, and safe space as they go from being a child to blossoming into an adult. 

As our kids grow more independent, most parents also start to give more into other parts of their lives. Even as our relationship with our kids grows, it's important to ensure they still know that you see them. This looks like taking time to greet them in the morning, check in with them at the end of the day, still stop to hug and tell them you love them, ask them questions about the details of their lives, and invite them to be with you whenever they can. Even though your schedules may be different, they still want to know that you matter to them. That's one part of the parent-child relationship that never changes. Even in my later 30s, I still want my Mom to see me.

Parenting is an ever-changing journey! No matter what ages we have in our home, our kids need us to be intentional about how we nurture them. They need us to be there for them, always.