7 Effective Mindsets that Prevent Bitterness from Taking Root 

God promises to be with us in the midst of our pain, even to the point of resolving conflict with swift justice on our behalf. The apostle Paul recalls the book of Deuteronomy 32:35 as he writes: 

“Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.” - Romans 12:19 

The Lord demonstrates here that vengeance belongs to Him, and Him alone. Often when we try to settle our own grievances, we only end up causing more pain and damage. We truly can’t fight fire with fire. Instead, God demonstrates how His love can change lives and soften hearts. The apostle Peter writes in his letter: 

“Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.” - 1 Peter 4:8

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While our first instinct is to get back at those who have wronged us in whatever ways we deem necessary, the Bible teaches us that trying to settle the score will never truly bring us peace; it will only cause more damage to ourselves and others. The forgiveness that God freely offers us through Jesus’ death on the cross and resurrection from the grave is powerful, life-changing, and can bring about transformation in our hearts. There is so much freedom to be found in forgiveness, the process of letting go, and surrendering our wounds to God Himself. Paul wrote in his letter to the Ephesians: 

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” - Ephesians 4:32

Just as God extends undeserved mercy, grace, and forgiveness to us in our sin, we as Christians, imitators of Christ, are called to do the same for others when they sin against us. Paul was a great example of this in the book of Acts, as he was imprisoned several times for his outspoken faith in Jesus. While Paul could’ve lashed out at his captors in anger, bitterness, and resentment for what he had wrongfully endured, he chose instead to praise God in his circumstances, trusting that there was a purpose to his pain.

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From a prison cell, Paul wrote: ”And I want you to know, my dear brothers and sisters, that everything that has happened to me here has helped to spread the Good News. For everyone here, including the whole palace guard, knows that I am in chains because of Christ. And because of my imprisonment, most of the believers here have gained confidence and boldly speak God’s message without fear.“ (Philippians 1:12-14). Paul continued on, explaining how there were some individuals within the prison who chose to mock him and his faith. His response to this was filled with kindness and tenderness as he wrote: 

“But that doesn’t matter. Whether their motives are false or genuine, the message about Christ is being preached either way, so I rejoice. And I will continue to rejoice.” - Philippians 1:18

In a place of trouble and distress, Paul turned his attention to God and believed that there was a purpose to his pain, as the gospel of Jesus was being shared within the walls of a prison. Paul was able to rejoice in his sufferings, knowing that God was with him. It’s difficult sometimes to trust that God can fight our hardest battles for us, the ones that can leave us paralyzed with fear, doubt, or bitterness. However, we can trust and rely on God, knowing that He is in control and has a purpose for every situation that we walk through. 

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Paul continued on in his letter to the Philippians, explaining how it can be possible to both live well and to suffer well. He wrote: 

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” - Philippians 4:12-13 

 Paul relied on the Lord and trusted that God would be with him in every situation, strengthening him and filling his heart with joy, even in the darkest of places.

Paul could’ve chosen hate to fight back against his captors, but instead, he chose to believe that God was in control and that everything else paled in comparison to the gospel of Jesus Christ being preached. Paul knew that although his calling required much of him, there was still joy to be found in the hope of lives being saved and transformed by Jesus. How is it possible to live out this kind of radical love, forgiveness, and joy for life and others? How can we truly overcome the root of bitterness in our lives, and live according to the bible and the teachings of Jesus? Here are three steps for helping to uproot and overcome bitterness in our lives: 

1. Identify areas of bitterness.

Take some time to quietly reflect and ask the Lord if there are any areas of your life where bitterness might be taking root. Some areas may stand out to you pretty blatantly, but there might also be some blind spots. Reaching out to a close friend, family member, mentor, or pastor that you trust can be really helpful when identifying these areas. Often, those closest to us can help us see our blind spots and address them (Psalm 139:24). 

2. Pray.

After you’ve identified some areas of your life where bitterness might be taking root, spend some time in prayer with Jesus. Confess to him the areas where you’ve held onto grudges towards others or towards a disappointing situation and ask for His help. Ask Him for forgiveness and for healing in these areas. Ask for a renewed mindset, peace towards others, and joy. Our God is a God of comfort, love, and restoration. He longs to see us made whole and to heal every broken situation (Isaiah 61:3). 

3. Reconcile with others.

While it might not always be possible in every situation, if there are areas of your life that you feel God is calling you to repair, make every effort to do so. This could look like a phone call, a text message, or meeting an individual in person to help reconcile a situation and put any hostility between you to rest. One of the beautiful things about the Kingdom of God is that it calls us into a life of love, forgiveness, and unity with others as we begin to see those who have wronged us as beloved children of God, and as brothers and sisters in Christ. (Romans 12:18, James 5:16, Psalm 133:1)

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When bitterness begins to take root, call out to the Lord for forgiveness and healing, and stay present in a loving community that can walk alongside you in your journey of faith. Freedom and joy are to be found just on the other side! 

This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit Christianity.com.