You and your spouse likely started your marriage with happiness, like most couples do. But over time, the stress of living busy lives in this fallen world can erode the happiness you first enjoyed together. It takes intentional effort to keep your marriage happy. What makes Christian couples truly happy isn't a lack of challenges but a connection with God's presence. Building habits together that strengthen your relationship with God will help you experience lasting joy rather than temporary happiness. Here are seven habits of happy Christian couples you can start today.
1. Pray together daily.
Prayer is a powerful way to connect with God and each other. When you and your spouse pray together, you invite God into your relationship in deeper ways by aligning your hearts and minds with God's will. Jesus assures you in Matthew 18:20: "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." To make this a habit, schedule a specific time each day or night to pray as a couple. This can be as simple as a morning prayer for the day ahead or an evening prayer of gratitude. Pray for each other's needs, dreams, and spiritual growth. Over time, this habit will create a sense of unity between you both and God. Praying together daily—no matter what challenges you all are facing—can give you fresh strength to rely on God for every situation in your life. When you pray, don't worry about following any particular format. Feel free to pray in whatever ways work best for you and your spouse at the time. Let the time you spend communicating with God in prayer be natural, not forced. Look forward to praying together as an opportunity rather than an obligation. Create a safe space for both of you to be vulnerable before each other and God. The more you enjoy praying together, the more you'll both be motivated to continue to do so every day.
2. Be kind and forgiving to each other.
Since conflict happens in every relationship, you and your spouse will sometimes disagree and argue. But happy Christian couples treat each other with kindness and are quick to forgive each other for mistakes. Ephesians 4:32 urges you: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Holding onto grudges will only poison your relationship with resentment and bitterness. Forgiveness, though, paves the way for healing and reconciliation between you. Choose forgiveness soon after you all go through a conflict. Don't wait and let your anger linger. Ask God and your spouse to forgive you when you sin, and be willing to forgive your spouse when they hurt you.
Forgiveness doesn't mean ignoring the issues that have caused conflicts in your marriage. Instead, forgiveness frees you to address issues in loving ways. Remember, forgiveness is a choice that can help you both love each other as God loves you. Forgiving each other can strengthen the love and trust in your relationship. It also sets a good example for your family and friends by showing them the power of God's love in action. Also, it's important to develop empathy within your marriage. Try to understand your spouse's perspective when you disagree. Put yourself in your spouse's shoes and consider their feelings and motivations. Listen carefully to what your spouse is saying without interrupting or figuring out what you want to say next while they are still talking. Create a safe space for open and honest communication between you by giving each other confidence that you'll be kind and forgiving with each other.
3. Read and study the Bible together.
Build time into your schedule regularly to seek God by reading and studying God's Word together. Psalm 119:105 declares: "Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path." The more you and your spouse immerse yourselves in the Bible, the more you can grow in holiness and find the wisdom to make the best decisions. So, figure out the best ways to fit Bible reading and study into your busy lives. Whatever plan works best for you and your spouse to follow on a regular basis can benefit you both. It can be helpful to choose specific topics that you're dealing with currently in your relationship (such as patience or finding more joy) and discuss Bible verses or passages that relate to those topics. Other approaches, like using a daily devotional with a Bible reading assigned to you each day, can also work well. Studying the Bible together also opens up opportunities for you and your spouse to discuss applying your faith to your lives. Doing so can help you grow as individuals and as a team seeking God together in your marriage.
As you explore the Bible day by day, you'll discover a better understanding of God's plan for your lives. Sharing this can strengthen your connection with God and each other. In every season of your marriage, keeping up with a habit of reading and studying the Bible together will help you apply God's wisdom to your relationship consistently and build a marriage that fulfills you both daily.
4. Serve others together.
Happy Christian couples find joy in serving others as a team. Galatians 5:13 urges: "Serve one another humbly in love." Don't worry about feeling depleted by choosing to serve. The more you and your spouse give to others, the more God's love will flow through your life, energizing and renewing you both. Helping others together is a vital way to put love into action together. So, look for opportunities to serve that line up with your interests and gifts – through volunteering at church, supporting a charitable cause that you're both passionate about, or helping a neighbor like a single parent or an elderly person. Serving others strengthens your relationship. As you work together to bless others, you can discover a deeper sense of fulfillment and connection. Serving also lets you see each other's strengths and compassion at work. That can lead to mutual respect and admiration in your marriage. By serving others together, you'll be focusing your energies outward, but in the process, God will bless you with more fulfillment within yourselves and in your relationship with each other.
5. Express gratitude regularly.
Expressing gratitude is a powerful habit that can change your perspective so you and your spouse can see each other the way God sees you, which leads to joy. In 1 Thessalonians 5:18, the Bible encourages you to: "... give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Happy Christian couples regularly express appreciation for each other. Each day, take time to let your spouse know something you're thankful for about who your spouse is as a person. Let your spouse regularly know how much you appreciate what they do as well. Whenever your spouse does something especially kind or helpful, point it out and thank them. Making it a habit to express gratitude in your marriage will regularly remind you of God's blessings in your relationship and train your mind to choose a positive perspective. That will help you and your spouse experience joy in any circumstances.
Over time, this habit of expressing gratitude can also significantly strengthen the emotional connection between you and your spouse. Beyond expressing gratitude for your spouse and what they do, remember to also thank God often for the gift of your marriage. Regularly pray together and thank God for all the guidance and grace he constantly pours into your relationship. Talk with God together about the challenges you face and ask for the wisdom and strength you need to overcome them. Choosing to give thanks regularly can help you enjoy a happy marriage in any circumstance.
6. Pursue God's wonder together.
Happy Christian couples pay attention to the wonder of God's work every day and let themselves be inspired with awe. Psalm 65:8 points out: "The whole is filled with awe at your wonders; where morning dawns, where evening fades, you call forth songs of joy." You and your spouse can discover an unlimited amount of wonder together when you intentionally look for glimpses of God's work in your lives. So, make it a high priority to pursue wonder, no matter how busy you are on any given day. One especially powerful way to pursue God's wonder together is to get outside and explore nature together. Nature teaches you about your wonderful God. Wherever you go in creation, you'll see something that reflects the Creator's wonderful characteristics.
Pursuing God's wonder together will help you and your spouse create joyful memories. It can also help you maintain a healthy perspective on your relationship by reminding you that your marriage is part of a much greater story designed by God. Another way that pursuing God's wonder together can help you experience more joy is by inspiring you both to be humble and thankful. As you and your spouse witness God's wondrous work around you, you naturally think about how small you are compared to God's greatness. This humbling experience encourages you to give thanks for the blessings you've been given, including the gift of your spouse and the opportunity to experience God's love together. Sharing these moments of awe and gratitude deepens your connection with God and each other in ways that can make your marriage happy.
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7. Celebrate milestones and dreams.
You and your spouse can also experience a happy marriage by celebrating your journey so far and looking forward to what God will do in the future. Proverbs 16:3 encourages you to: "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." Reflecting on milestones you've achieved together and planning future goals strengthens your partnership and keeps you focused on God's purpose for your lives. So, celebrate all that God has done, is doing, and will do in your lives together regularly. Thank God for his faithfulness and all the answered prayers in your lives. Dream together about your future, setting goals that honor God and working toward those goals while relying on God to help you. Keep in mind that your marriage is a journey under God's direction. So, try your best to seek God's guidance for your decisions. Communicate openly and honestly with God and each other. Regularly schedule quality time for each other, free from distractions, to share your thoughts and feelings with your spouse and your loving Heavenly Father.
In conclusion, building a joyful and fulfilling marriage takes intentional effort, but the rewards are worth it. As Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds you: "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." You and your spouse will be a happy couple if you place God at the center of your marriage!
Related Resource: Why "No Conflict Marriages" Don't Exist: The Marriage Myth Series
What do you believe about conflict in marriage? There’s a popular marriage myth that says healthy marriages are conflict-free marriages, yet this couldn’t be further from the truth. Listen in as we debunk this myth and share why couples in healthy marriages do experience conflict. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.
Originally published Tuesday, 21 January 2025.
