Overthinking every step, I tried not to trip as I walked into the coffee shop. There he was, the guy I was supposed to meet. “Oh gosh, do I have a booger in my nose? Lindsay, Focus, calm down, be normal.” I recited this all to myself as I approached.
Nerves heightened as I walked up for a hug. I wanted to throw up. Although an extreme extrovert, I couldn’t get a word out of my mouth that sounded even somewhat normal.
He’d ask a question. But I couldn’t think through the web of nerves that were crawling up my spine. Thoughts like “Does he like me? Am I good enough?” scurried through my brain.
“Did I even like him?” That’s the question I should have been asking myself. But I never thought about it. I was too concerned about him liking me. I wish I could go back to that painfully insecure version of myself and tell her. “Lindsay, he doesn’t even know you, calm down.”
That was the last 10 years of my dating life. Well until a friend said to me, “Lindsay, just think of dating like practice. Pray and ask God what He wants you to learn on each date.”
God started to show me how seeing everything as just practice would help to take the pressure off. He showed me how He wants us to stay present and not get ahead in our thoughts, aka fantasize about what it could be. Trusting Him instead with the outcome is what honors Him most.
Here are a few others thoughts along that same line:
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1. Trust God, Not Man
Trust God, that is His number one ask of us. Keep your eyes focused on Him as your happiness, your love, your joy, the One who accepts you, cherishes you, adores you. If you do this, you won’t date with rosy colored glasses on. You won’t look for a man to fill all your needs. You will look for a man who knows only God can fulfill all your needs.
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2. Drop Past Bitterness off at the Door
Ladies, we have all been hurt by men. Be it your dad, your pastor, your therapist, your first love, your last love, a myriad of men in your 20’s, your ex-husband, I could go on, but you get the idea. Bringing that bitterness into a new relationship will without a doubt be a disaster. We must forgive all the men before we ever attempt to date. Forgiving is the ultimate form of love, as God did for us, we must do for others.
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3. Be Yourself
I don’t know why this one is hard, but it is for me too. Throughout this life we can build up walls and false identities. We can think we know what someone wants and edit ourselves to be just that. Let’s instead ask the One who created us to help us be ourselves. Uncovering our true selves will enable this dating process to be so much more fun.
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4. Be Wise with Your Heart
Humans are going to make mistakes and hurt each other. This is why we are called to be wise with our hearts. We have to protect them from fantasies or unhealthy men. We must involve our Heavenly Daddy in our dating life. He didn’t call us daughters for nothing.
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5. Pray before Your Date
Pray before a date. Ask God to show you what He wants you to learn in regards to:
1. Men in general
2. This man
3. Yourself
4. Him
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6. Grab Your Journal When You Get Home
Take out your journal and reflect on the night. Ask Jesus to bring to mind what you learned. Commune with your Father, your Lord and your main Counselor and Comforter. Write down your thoughts, your feelings, your wants and desires. Jesus is so interested in you. He knit you together in your mother’s womb and knows every hair on your head. He knows why you think what you think and He will help you sort it.
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7. Talk to the Lord about What You Really Liked about Your Date
Ask yourself, “What do I really like about him?” Make a little list. It’s good to know what you really think because it is easy to get wrapped up in the initial romance of the possible outcome.
Bonus: It’s definitely great to have wise counsel, but I don’t think the Lord meant for us to have little mini decision makers running around. I know we don’t mean to do this, but we can be swayed by the opinions of others in ways that don’t line up with our own heart. So first take your heart to God, talk with Him in your journal, sort out your feelings first with Him. Then have 2-3 friends (not 10-20) that you share with about the date, your thoughts and feelings. Once you have sorted them with the Lord you will have the confidence when talking to friends and hearing their opinions.
Lindsay Morgan is the Creator and Founder of GuySchoolMedia.com. An online platform packed with soon to launch products to help women enjoy the process of dating. 40 and single herself, Lindsay takes interest in the misnomers between men and women. Also the author of PuttingthePencilDown.com, Lindsay writes about emotional issues from a spiritual standpoint. Loving and living in Los Angeles, CA. Lindsay's favorite things are the beach, Jesus, sun, and fashion. Not necessarily in that order. Find her at @guyschoolmedia on Instagram to be encouraged in your dating life! And laugh a bit too!
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Originally published Friday, 01 September 2017.
