For some reason, I'm not stressed about Christmas this year, which is unlike me. In years past, I've been a tangled mess of anxiety, worried about all the things. My husband, on the other hand, has always been calm, full of positivity, and willing to support me in any way possible.
It's interesting how some find joy in the hustle and bustle while others feel overwhelmed and unsupported. While I'm grateful for my newfound sense of peace, I'm also more aware of how a bit of intentionality can relieve stress and help the holiday feel brighter.
If your spouse is stressed out this Christmas, here are a few simple ways to support them. (They really work!)
1. Listen Well
Stressed people need to vent their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. A listening ear provides the outlet they need to let off steam and feel validated. Be intentional about listening well this Christmas, even if your spouse is going round and round with random thoughts and ideas.
In the devotional How to Listen Well, writer Whitney Hopler says, "It's important to understand not only the words being spoken but also the emotions and experiences underlying them. So, we need to pay attention to nonverbal cues in the people speaking, such as body language and tone of voice. Those cues can often convey more than words alone."
Listening well requires us to put down our phones and offer undivided attention. It also requires patience, empathy, and a safe space to share what's really going on. We might not understand the stress they're under, but by taking the time to listen, we're offering much-needed support.
Lord, please help me be a better listener, validating my spouse's thoughts and feelings with empathy and grace. In Jesus' name, amen.
2. Affirm Them
People often misunderstand the word "affirmation." They think it means to agree with someone and accept everything they say or do. In reality, to affirm someone means to uphold and support them.
When our spouse is stressed, we can best affirm them by verbalizing:
"I see you, hear you, and love you."
"You are not alone."
"You can depend on me."
Another way to affirm your spouse is to notice how they contribute to your marriage and family. Speaking of husbands, writer Alicia Searl says, "When was the last time you actually took notice of your sweet guy? I mean really watched him? Today, I invite you to do so. Open your heart and watch as he plays with the kids or shovels that deep-impacted snow off the driveway. Then, see what happens to your heart."
Her encouragement to take notice is one we can all benefit from. Everyone needs to be appreciated for the value they bring, and acknowledging our spouses can make a world of difference during the holidays.
Lord, help me affirm my spouse in the best possible way, noticing the wonderful ways they contribute to our family. In Jesus' name, amen.
3. Recognize Their Need
One of my biggest complaints in marriage has been that my husband isn't intuitive, which means he can't read my mind. It's unfair, I know, but I've often wished he would automatically know exactly what I'm thinking.
Even though we can't read our spouse's minds, we can recognize their needs. This might include:
-The need for a break
-The need for help
-The need for assurance
-The need for physical touch
Making the effort to serve our spouses shows them we care. They will be blessed knowing we're thinking of them and anticipating their needs. Philippians 2:3-4 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."
Lord, please help me recognize my spouse's needs and take an interest in their concerns. In Jesus' name, amen.
4. Calm Them through Physical Touch
Physical touch can help relieve stress in powerful ways. A warm hug, gentle embrace, or relaxing massage can release tension and reconnect you with your spouse—especially during the rush of the holiday season.
This article from the Mayo Clinic says, "A massage does more than just feel good. It can lower the amount of cortisol in your body. This hormone is produced when your body is stressed. It increases glucose in your bloodstream, enhances your brain's use of glucose, and curbs functions that are nonessential in a fight-or-flight situation."
Remember, stress isn't limited to our mental state. It's very much a physical response to various hormones and chemicals released throughout the body. With this in mind, be intentional about calming your spouse through physical touch. It will be the best gift you could give!
Lord, let my touch calm my spouse and draw us closer together this Christmas. In Jesus' name, amen.
5. Pray in Secret
Praying for your spouse in secret blesses them with God's peace. The words you whisper to the Father rise like incense before His throne, and He is faithful to act on their behalf. What a beautiful way to support them during the holidays!
In Matthew 6:6, Jesus taught His followers the importance of praying in secret, saying, "But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
The reward of interceding for our spouses is seeing them less stressed, more joyful, and able to enjoy the season. This Christmas, let's carve out regular times of prayer and thanksgiving, asking God to bless our spouses with the abundance of His peace. This gift, given in secret, is priceless!
Lord, please hear my humble petitions and bless my spouse with abundant joy and peace. In Jesus' name, amen.
6. Pray in Person
My husband hasn't always been comfortable praying aloud, but the older we get, the more we pray together for our marriage, family, and community. There's something about agreeing in prayer that immediately calms my spirit and removes anxiety.
One of my favorite Bible passages I often share with my mentorship clients is Matthew 18:19-20, when Jesus says, "Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them."
What comfort to know that Jesus is with us when we pray! When husbands and wives come together in His name, He is with them. Stress doesn't stand a chance when Jesus is in the room!
Lord, we come together in Your name, trusting You to work all things out according to Your will. Amen.
7. Get Away
If possible, get away this holiday season and spend quality time with your spouse. It doesn't have to be a faraway vacation; even a special date night will suffice. Here are a few getaways to consider:
-Take an evening sleigh ride.
-Go on a winter hike.
-Drive through your city to view the Christmas lights. (Don't forget the hot chocolate!)
-Go ice skating.
-Schedule a staycation, watch holiday movies, and order takeout.
-Visit a nearby bed and breakfast.
Being able to decompress and leave responsibilities behind is a great way to diminish stress this Christmas. Surprise your spouse with a romantic getaway and watch their worries melt away.
Lord, please provide the time and resources to get away this Christmas and spend quality time with my spouse. In Jesus' name, amen.
Originally published Wednesday, 20 November 2024.
