As the world-renowned crooner Frank Sinatra lamented, love and marriage are two things that go together like a horse and a buggy. Both have to be together in order to work together and move forward.
Marriage, like many aspects of life, is best if approached with the right perspective. For those of us who are believers in God, we utilize a biblical mindset to best handle the ebbs and flows of marital bliss. Wisdom, as expressed regularly through the Scriptures, must be adopted into one’s life and also one’s marriage.
Though it is impossible to have a perfect marriage, there are steps a couple can take that will encourage both a healthy marriage and a strong relationship with the Lord. It’s guiding wisdom even Frank Sinatra would approve of.
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1. DO Join in Partnership with Your Spouse
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
When a man and woman decide to unite in marriage, they leave their immediate families behind and become one flesh, one couple together. In order to build a strong marriage, it is best to be of the shared mindset that you and your spouse are now partners. You are navigating this life together, on the path God has chosen for you two to follow. So consider each one as “one flesh,” one union facing the ebbs and flows of the world together.
2. DON’T Go to Bed Angry
“So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath” (James 1:19).
Arguments can happen between a married couple at any time, from the mild to the heated. However, a good rule of thumb is to not let arguments continue by going to bed angry at your spouse. As this verse from James states, God wants us to be slow to get angry. Taking the time to pause before letting our emotions get ahead of us can allow for constructive conversations with our spouse. Though we may not be happy with our spouses at that moment, by night’s end, we can prevent our anger from getting the best of us and still be in love.
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3. DO Encourage Forgiveness in Marriage
“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
Forgiveness is a powerful tool to develop marriages that last. When we forgive one another, especially in a marriage, we remove past hurts, wrongdoings, and issues from getting in the way of future growth. We let our spouse know through forgiveness that our love will remain strong and that the forgiveness we offer one another resembles the same forgiveness Jesus gave us through His death and resurrection.
4. DON’T Compare Your Marriage or Spouse to Others
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged” (Matthew 7:1).
This familiar verse from Matthew is sound advice for any situation where judgment might occur, but especially in marriages. We might judge one another in any situation in marriage, especially when comparing our spouse or marriage to others. However, every marriage is different, so it doesn’t do to make comparisons. Consider how it would feel if your spouse did the same to you. Love one another as you currently are and allow God to help you both grow.
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5. DO Little Things Every Day to Show Love to Your Spouse
“Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).
Some people love it when others do things for them. These people may have the “acts of service” love language, as Gary Chapman explained in his book The Five Love Languages. When our spouses do things for us, whether giving us their time, gifts, or just their love, we feel respected and loved. When a husband or wife shows us respect around others, we can feel appreciated and cherished, willing to reciprocate in the same way toward them. This leads to building a relationship on love and mutual respect, as well as faith in God.
6. DON’T Put Your Spouse on a Pedestal or Above God
“For it is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God, and Him only you shall serve’” (Luke 4:8).
When you first get married, it can be easy to worship the ground your new spouse walks on. However, when you place a person – especially your spouse – above the Lord, it can cause issues not only in your marriage but also in your relationship with God. As Luke 4:8 states, we are to only serve the Lord. When we place the Lord above everything and everyone else, He allows us to love our spouse with all our heart as well. Placing someone other than God on a pedestal to worship will only make it harder when that person lets us down or makes a mistake, as we humans regularly do.
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7. DO Surround Yourself with Friends and Loved Ones Who Support Your Marriage
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (James 5:16).
It is very important to be surrounded by a community of people supporting your marriage and its growth. It’s a sad thing when people have of family, friends, or even coworkers who interfere in a marriage because of ulterior motives. But when we pray for each other, such as for healing in a marriage, James 5:16 confirms that those prayers by righteous people are powerful and effective. Being surrounded by people who love and support you and your marriage will assist you through all the ups and downs holy matrimony can bring.
8. DON’T Leave God Out of Your Marriage
“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
Last by certainly not least is a crucial thought to keep in mind. When you and your spouse don’t have equal beliefs about God, you are basically ushering God out of the marriage. Some marry people who don’t believe in God, or may not have a strong relationship with Him, because they feel their faith can encourage their spouse to believe. However, the journey to mutual faith in the Lord is not an easy one and could just as easily lead to one spouse’s faith being weakened. A weak marriage that is not founded on Christ can more easily head towards separation or divorce.
Be equally yoked to one another in godly faith, and God will always be there to lead the way.
Love and marriage truly do go together, but more important is having a relationship with God that influences the decisions you and your spouse make. Exercising forgiveness and control of your anger, surrounding your marriage with godly people who care, and judging less while loving more are vital to the health of your relationship with your spouse and the Lord. Though there is no such thing as a perfect marriage, especially in a fallen world like ours, we can be assured that if we keep God in the midst of our marriage on a daily basis, we will thrive in love, respect, and faith.
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Originally published Wednesday, 05 June 2024.
