You’ve heard it before—the slow and painful whine of a bored child. From an early age, we work really hard to avoid boredom. It is, after all, the worst-case scenario for an active kid on a sunny day. As we get older, we find that boredom isn’t stumbled upon quite so frequently and, when it is, we might see it as being marked with a red flag.
What about a boring marriage? If we’re in a boring marriage, the how-to’s and quick tips come quickly in an effort to shake things up. But is it really a sign of a problem? Should we be worried if we think our marriage is boring?
Maybe boring marriages aren't such a bad thing. Maybe a boring marriage is the sign of a beautiful marriage. Here are 8 reasons you might not have considered for why a boring marriage is beautiful.
1. Security Doesn’t Draw a Crowd
Movies aren’t made around the building being secure. It’s when the building, the premises, or the people are insecure that a compelling storyline can take root. When we’re feeling secure in our marriage, it doesn’t provide a lot of entertainment, and that’s perfectly okay. Our marriage doesn’t have to be a blockbuster and, oftentimes, the security we feel with our partner wouldn’t win us any Academy Awards, anyway.
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2. Roller Coasters Aren’t Comfortable
There’s something to be said about feeling comfortable in our marriage. Comfort is not something we generally feel while being tossed in the waves or flipped around on a roller coaster. The steadiness of a boring marriage invites the comfort of clear expectations and familiar ground. It’s good to get out of our comfort zone, but knowing our relationship is a place of comfort offers deep peace.
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3. Contentment is Often Quiet
Boring is not loud, showy, or boisterous. Contentment rarely is, either. When we feel content, we are not running after things, people, or experiences that will add flavor to our lives. Contentment might be quiet—often seen as boring—because it can be. When we’re not actively going after something different, it doesn’t mean we’re boring—it could simply mean we’re content.
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4. A Clean Bill of Health Doesn’t Keep Doctors Busy
Sure, doctors might love it when we’re healthy just as much as we do, but that’s not what keeps them in business. A healthy marriage may be considered boring because it doesn’t require a lot of intervention. Interventions can be interesting, but they certainly aren’t a sign of health and wellness. The “boredom” of healthy means we don’t need an extensive treatment plan!
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5. Growth Happens in the Everyday
The growth of a plant is not a flashy main event. It happens slowly over time, as it gets water and sunlight. It’s a boring kind of growth, taking place through ordinary events over ordinary days. A marriage is much the same, experiencing growth not through movie-worthy moments, but through the slow, ordinary happenings that unite and connect two people.
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6. Chores Aren’t Sexy
There’s certainly something to be said for grand gestures of love and affection, but what I really appreciate is when my husband puts away the laundry or mops the floor. These are boring acts of great love, and they’re what contribute to a healthy marriage. Serving one another through cooking a meal or doing the dishes may not appear to be all that interesting, but it makes a great impact.
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7. No One’s Keeping Score
Professional sporting events keep score because the score is the most interesting part! Recreational games just aren’t as much fun; we grow invested in the game when the score is kept (and especially when it’s close). When keeping score with your spouse—Who took out the garbage last? Who drove the kids around the most frequently this week? Who walked the dog yesterday morning?—the game might be intense, but it’s not supposed to be. A boring marriage is one that doesn’t keep score because the score doesn’t matter. You’re playing on the same team, so you work hard and serve one another not to be determined the winner, but to honor each other.
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8. The Makeup Isn’t Caked On
We call her a “Plain Jane”—a woman with a particularly simple look. She doesn’t wear much makeup or bright clothing, and she probably wouldn’t stand out in a crowd. A Plain Jane marriage is similar, and the best part about it is that what you see is what you get. There is such authenticity in not having to pile on the makeup or jewelry (though that’s not always a bad thing to do!). Some people might see the look as being oversimplified or boring, but it’s also incredibly genuine. In a boring marriage, you don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not—plain is more than enough!
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I am Mallory—a wife, a writer, and a dog mom to Roger. I love dry humor, clean sheets, sunny days, and frequent reminders of grace. These days, I hang out at malloryredmond.com, where I tell my stories with the hope of uncovering places of connection in our humanity. You can also follow me on Facebook and Twitter.
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Originally published Wednesday, 08 May 2019.
