7 Essential Things the Bible Says about Sex in Marriage

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” - Genesis 2:24

God created marriage and designed it so that the husband and wife would become one in marriage. Perhaps one of the best expressions of that is when we become one sexually.

Outside of a marital relationship, there is no other relationship where sex is designed to be part of it and where sex can be part of maintaining it. Sex in marriage means we are joining our minds, our emotions, and our bodies, and when we bring these things together, that is how we become one.

I don’t know if there is another physical expression that has the potential to unite two people the way sex does in marriage.

2. Sex in marriage should be a place of openness, not a place of shame.

“Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” - Genesis 2:25

Sex in marriage should be a place where we are free to express ourselves and not feel shame or judgment. There should be no shame over what your body looks like, and no one should shame you over what happened in your past.

Not everyone who comes into marriage does so without having a sexual past. However, we must be careful not to bring the sexual past into the current marital relationship. Since marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church, then what happened before the marriage should not be a place of judgment within the marriage.

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The young man speaking

“I said, ‘I will climb the palm tree;
     I will take hold of its fruit.’
 May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine,
     the fragrance of your breath like apples,
 and your mouth like the best wine.” - Song of Songs 7:8-9

The young woman responding

“Let us go early to the vineyards
     to see if the vines have budded,
 if their blossoms have opened,
     and if the pomegranates are in bloom—
     there I will give you my love.
 The mandrakes send out their fragrance,
     and at our door is every delicacy,
 both new and old,
     that I have stored up for you, my beloved.” - Song of Songs 7:12-13

If you have ever read the book of Song of Songs, also known as Song of Solomon, you will read of the passion that a young man and young woman have for each other.

Their desire for each other is a picture of the joy and pleasure that God has designed for sex within marriage. While one outcome of sex within marriage is the ability to procreate, that is not the only reason God created sex.

God created sex for your pleasure and enjoyment in marriage not just so you can be fruitful and multiply. It is okay to enjoy sex within your marriage, and in fact, I highly recommend it.

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“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” - 1 Corinthians 7:3-4

While sex can bring you pleasure, it is not just for your pleasure alone. You should care about the pleasure of your spouse.

The way you create an exciting and satisfying sexual relationship within marriage is when each party seeks to please the other party. 

Since sex is a physical expression of your love for each other, when you keep the pleasure of your partner at the center of that expression, it creates a mutually rewarding sexual experience. This should be the goal of sex within your marriage. 

If you only view this from a selfish perspective, it can make your partner feel devalued. When this happens, instead of feeling pleasured and treasured, they may feel used and abused.

If you want to have better sex in marriage, then don’t just make it about your needs. Make sure the experience is enjoyable for your partner and focus on meeting their needs as well.

When you are both finding pleasure, you will most likely want to have more of it.

“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” - 1 Corinthians 7:5

Sometimes spouses will use sex as a weapon by intentionally refusing to have sex. Many times, it is because of something their spouse is doing or not doing.

There are different ways to deal with issues that are happening outside the bedroom, but willfully choosing to deny sex as a form of manipulation is not the best option. When you do this, you are treading on dangerous ground and you have weaponized sex in your marriage.

This is not God’s intention, because sex is supposed to be utilized for love, but that would accomplish the opposite. Doing so can also open a door to temptation. 

There will be times within your marriage when you may not be able to have sex, such as illness, separation, pregnancy, or even fatigue. If you are going to abstain, make sure you both have agreed to do it.

This does not apply to abusive marriages wherein it does not feel safe to have sex. But for everyone else, if you follow scripture, Paul says this should be done only for a short time and primarily to devote yourself to prayer. Outside of that, if you are able to have sex, then don’t deprive each other.

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“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” - Ephesians 5:21

While Paul encourages us not to use sex as a weapon, there is another reality that you cannot ignore. How you treat your spouse outside the bedroom will affect what happens inside the bedroom.

The basis of a wonderful sex life within marriage is determined by what you do in every other room in the house. If you really want to increase the passion in the bedroom, then increase your attention to your spouse outside of it. Here are some suggestions to consider.

• Make sure you are helping each other with chores around the house, not letting it all be the responsibility of one spouse.
• If there are children, then don’t let the care of the children all fall on one person.
• Set aside time regularly to talk and see how they are doing and how their day went.
• Find activities you can do together or do something you know your spouse likes, even if you don’t like it that much.
• Pray together or discuss the things of God together. 
• Worship together and sit together in church as often as possible (this is for those who serve in ministry at church)
• Go back to the days when you were dating and do those things you used to do that won the heart of your spouse.

Focus on the things that happen outside the bedroom and that will go a long way to increasing the passion in the bedroom.

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“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” - Hebrews 13:4

The only boundary that the Bible sets on sex within marriage is that it should be kept between a husband and a wife. Keeping the marriage bed pure means complete fidelity to one another, and only one another. No outside parties should be invited into your bedroom, either as adultery or otherwise.

I have heard of some Christians having open marriages, engaging in threesomes, or even partner swapping. These things defile the marriage bed, and they are sexually immoral. I would also encourage you to stay away from outside influences, like pornography, because it can create a distorted reality of what sex is supposed to be.  

Once you remove those negative influences, then you are free to explore sex with your spouse. You can be adventurous and try new things and recognize that sex is not limited to only the bedroom in your house. If you are keeping in mind your mutual pleasure and not your selfish desires, then you are free to be as creative with each other as you want to be.

I will reiterate sex within marriage is a wonderful thing. If you are married, I hope you and your spouse have a long-lasting and satisfying sexual relationship all the days you are married. After all this is what God desires for you.

These scriptures show us the loving character of God to us all, married or not.

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