10 Practices That Will Strengthen Your Friendships

Every human being has dreams and desires. Some are God-given, and some are simply ideas we dream up in our own souls. Either way, as a friend, encourage your friends to dream. Help the process of what’s behind the dream. At times, as a person processes their dreams, they will come to the conclusion that the dream is not God-given and not worth pursuing. That’s fine. However, it is a much better idea to let the person come to that conclusion rather than telling them their dream is not valid. Become the type of friend who encourages others. The Apostle Paul wrote, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). When you keep your focus on encouraging another person’s dream and simply helping them process what that dream would entail, You become a more valuable friend.

2. Listen to Their Stories

Listening is a lost art in our culture. Yet, if we develop good listening skills and put some effort into listening to the stories of our friends, they will automatically want to be with us more. Proverbs teaches us, “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out” (Proverbs 20:5). Taking the time to focus on another’s story is time well spent in the relationship department. Every person alive has a story. When someone tells you their story, and they feel heard, they feel loved. There’s actually a chemical reaction in our brains when we feel heard. This is why listening is one of the most important skills in cultivating deeper friendships.

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Every person has a family, and as the old saying goes, “Blood runs thicker than water.” A person related is usually more dear to a person than a friend. Not always, but often. Because that’s true, it’s important to learn to care about and love your friend’s family, especially if your friend has kids. There is nothing worse than feeling like your friend doesn’t like your children or thinks you aren’t doing a good job as a parent. Be intentional about affirming your friend’s kiddos. Create the space to pray for them and take an interest in the things that interest them. The Psalmist reminds us that “children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring are a reward from him” (Psalm 127:3). When you take time to know and love your friend's kids, your friendship will grow deeper because everyone who is a parent wants their kids to feel loved.

4. Cheer for Their Accomplishments

Competition has no place in friendship. Instead, become your friend’s biggest cheerleader. Congratulate and cheer often for their every accomplishment both big and small. The writer of Hebrews said it this way, “But encourage one another daily as long as it is called ‘Today’” (Hebrews 3:13). How different would our friendships look if we took time daily to affirm and cheer for our friends? I believe the world would be a much more positive place.

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Paul writes that we are to be devoted to one another (Romans 12:10). In today’s fast-moving culture, people get fed up at their jobs and leave, spouses opt out of marriages at the first sign of conflict, and friendships end over misunderstandings. What if, instead, you cultivated loyalty in your life? When you cultivate loyalty, your friendships benefit, and you feel less lonely. Consider, who are the friends you’ve had for more than ten years? Treasure them. Proverbs warns us about “unreliable friends” (Proverbs 18:24). Don’t be that unreliable friend. Model your commitment after Christ, who is the friend who sticks closer than a brother.

6. Respect Their Limits

Boundaries were God’s idea and they make good neighbors and great friendships. Solomon warns us to “guard our hearts” (Proverbs 4:23). We often think of this verse as only protecting our hearts from immorality. But I also think this verse instructs us to protect our souls from exhaustion. When we over-commit and feel pulled to give more than we are able in a friendship, we end up exhausted and full of resentment. When you respect a friend’s limits, you show them that they are a precious gift. We live in a world where people take advantage of others. Respecting. your friend’s limits will deepen your friendship and preserve the beauty of that relationship.

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Forgiveness will be a part of every ongoing relationship. Through the New Testament, we are commanded to forgive others. The Apostle Paul wrote these wise words, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). The person who holds on to grudges, only hurts themselves. Loneliness is the result. In order for friendships to thrive, each person in the relationship must be a conduit of grace. Too many friendships end because we have grown accustomed to being easily offended. However, when we take offense, Satan, the enemy of our souls, has us trapped. Instead, offer forgiveness freely.

8. Apologize and Make Amends

Similar to forgiveness, relationships won’t survive without apologies. It’s shocking how many adults have never learned the power of saying, “I am sorry. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?” When we realize that we have made a mistake in a relationship or hurt another person unnecessarily, we are instructed biblically to go to our neighbor and apologize “to the point of exhaustion” (Proverbs 6:3). At times, an apology is not enough we need to make amends. When we make amends, we compensate for whatever the wrongdoing was on our part. It’s taking action to make things right. If we value our friendships, we will be intentional to apologize and make amends.

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Life is short. We are busy. Don’t undervalue the time you get to spend with your friends. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted during that time. Instead, treasure your time with your friends. Savor each moment. Jesus modeled a life of being fully present to others. When He was with the woman at the well, He savored those moments and focused completely on her. (John 4). While with Nicodemus, His attention was focused on the questions Nicodemus brought. (John 3). Every conversation Jesus had was intentional. We are a distracted people and as a result, we often miss the wonder of beautiful conversations. Next time you are with a friend, silently pray, “Lord Jesus, help me be fully present in this conversation. I pray that I might honor my friend by savoring our moments together.”

10. Pray for Their Burdens

The dearest friends in my life are those with whom I can get on my knees and pray. One of the best ways you can take initiative is to reach out and let friends know what you are praying for them. They are on your heart and you are bringing their concerns before the Father. Paul wrote to the believers in Galatia, that they were to “Carry each other’s burdens” and in this way they would “fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). We were never meant to carry our burdens alone. One of the greatest gifts you can give your friends is to carry their burdens to the throne room in prayer.

Friends are one of God’s greatest gifts. They enrich our lives in a multitude of ways. However, in order to enjoy well connected friendships though, you must first decide to be the friend you want. By working on your own skills of friendship, you will be a more attractive friend to others. Learn to prioritize and intentionally invest in friends by, encouraging their dreams, listening to their stories, loving their families, cheering for their accomplishments, staying loyal, respecting their limits, forgiving their weaknesses, apologizing when you’re wrong, savoring your time together and praying for their burdens. If you prioritize these practices your friendships will go deeper. As a result, you will feel far less lonely.

Lord Jesus, thank You for the gift of friendships. I commit to you each friend in my life. Use me I pray to help heal the loneliness in others. May I be a good friend and may each one experience the love of Christ through me. Open my eyes to see those who are lonely so that I might be an instrument of friendship in their lives. May I be a friend like You, Lord Jesus, that remains loyal even through difficult seasons. Fill me now with Your Spirit, Holy One, so that others would be drawn to the joy they see in my life. I commit every relationship to You. Help me to live the deeply connected life You have called me to live. May I be a conduit of your love today.

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