My pastor ended his sermon with, “You are loved; therefore, love,” stating that this was the gospel. So simple yet so complex. Loving others—it sounds easy—but in reality, it can be hard. It’s hard because humans are complex spiritual beings with thoughts, feelings, and behaviors activated by what we believe and the lens through which we see others. When one person looks at everything through a green lens and another person looks at everything through a purple lens, it’s easy to see how conflicts arise.
Relationships can be one of the most rewarding yet challenging aspects of life. Whether with family, friends, coworkers, or a spouse, they often require intentional effort, patience, and a willingness to grow. As a Christian, relationships take on an even deeper meaning, as we are called to love others as Christ loves us. But how do we navigate the messiness that relationships can sometimes bring?
Here are six practical tips to help you cultivate healthier, more fulfilling connections with those you care about:
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Listening is one of the most powerful yet underrated ways to strengthen any relationship. We all want to be seen and heard, and, too often, we get caught up in sharing our own thoughts, opinions, or advice instead of truly listening.
Have you ever opened up about something stressful or painful, only for the person you’re sharing with to jump in with their own similar story that sounds “worse” than your experience? They probably mean well, but in a matter of minutes, your feelings are brushed aside, and the conversation shifts to them. Instead of feeling understood, you’re left feeling unheard.
Real connection happens when we slow down and genuinely listen. It’s about being fully present, making eye contact, and reflecting on what the other person is saying to show you understand. When we practice active listening, we create space for deeper trust, stronger relationships, and the kind of support we all long for.
James 1:19 reminds us to “be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” When you listen more than you talk, you create a safe space for the other person to feel seen, heard, and valued.
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Instead of asking questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no,” try asking open-ended questions that encourage the other person to share more about their thoughts and feelings. It’s a beautiful way to get curious about what’s going on inside another person. For example, instead of asking, “Did you have a good day?” you might ask, “What was the best part of your day?” or “How did that situation make you feel?”
Open-ended questions enrich your conversations and invite dialogue that allows you to get to know another person on a deeper level. They also demonstrate that you care about the other person’s experiences and perspectives. This practice may have you looking forward to conversing with others and uncovering something you did not know previously.
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One of the greatest sources of conflict in relationships is unmet expectations. Without realizing it, we often expect others to think, feel, and behave the way we do. The reality is that another person will never think and act the way you want. Each person is uniquely created by God and has their own beliefs and perspectives that show up in the way they think, feel, and behave.
When our expectations are not met in the way we desire, it can lead to disappointment, frustration, and even anger. One way to examine your expectations is to ask yourself, “What’s going on inside of me? What’s making me angry?” Remind yourself that God is the source of your joy and contentment and not circumstances or other people. Choose to let God meet your needs in the ways He sees best instead of the way you want to see things done.
God has given each person their own personality, experiences, and way of seeing the world. When you release your expectations and approach relationships with humility and grace, you create space for the other person to be themselves.
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We all have internal beliefs (an assumption you deem true) and standards about how people “should” act—what’s good or bad. These standards often stem from how we were raised, our environment, or personal experiences. What we believe affects our relationships.
Most of our beliefs were formed before we had any conscious awareness of God or truth as defined in God’s Word. As a result, we formed our belief system relying on our own understanding (Proverbs 14:12).
The good news is that we can learn to recognize and replace our corrupted beliefs with God’s truth. His Word can change our beliefs as we allow God to renew our minds (beliefs) as stated in Romans 12:2.
Take time to examine your beliefs about how others “should” behave. Are these expectations rooted in God’s truth or your own preferences? Becoming aware of these standards allows you to evaluate whether they are helping or hindering your relationships. It will also help you see others through a lens of compassion and grace.
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If you’re an Enneagram personality Type One, your gift is to see what’s not correct and what needs to be fixed. It’s not helpful though when you use your insight to constantly point out where someone else falls short. No one wants to be fixed, and they will never do things exactly like you because they aren’t meant to. God has uniquely designed each person with their own strengths and growth areas.
Philippians 2:13 tells us, “It is God who is at work in you, both to desire and to work for His good pleasure.” God is the one who has “fixed (transformed) us” and continues to actively work to help us mature. We can rest in God’s faithfulness to continue His work in each person for their growth and maturity as stated in Philippians 1:6.
Instead of trying to change or fix someone, focus on supporting and encouraging them. Trust that God is working in their life in His perfect timing. Proverbs 3:5 reminds us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.”
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When a conflict or misunderstanding arises, it’s so easy to assume the worst about someone’s intentions. Our first response is to receive it as a personal attack. When we pause for a moment and ask if that’s what they meant to do or say, we often discover that’s not what they meant at all. We totally misunderstood.
1 Corinthians 13:7 encourages us to expect the best of others. It tells us that love “keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” This verse reminds us to maintain a positive perspective in our relationships and reflect the love and grace that God extends to us.
When you assume the best, you give the other person the benefit of the doubt and approach situations with grace and a desire to understand. This doesn’t mean ignoring harmful behavior or dismissing your own feelings, but it does mean seeking to understand the other person’s perspective and extending forgiveness when needed.
Improving your relationships takes time, effort, and intentionality, but the rewards are so worth it. As you listen more, ask meaningful questions, release expectations, evaluate your beliefs, stay out of fix-it mode, and assume the best, you’ll begin to see growth and transformation in yourself and in your connections with others.
When you allow God’s truth to shape your thoughts, words, and actions, you will cultivate relationships that reflect His goodness. You can move forward with confidence, knowing that as you love others well, you are walking in the love God has already poured out in you.
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