As parents, we still want to bless our children even after they become adults. But since God has unique plans for each of our adult children to follow in their lives, it’s important to find ways to support them without overstepping boundaries. This delicate balance requires love, wisdom, and an understanding of both our role as parents and their need for independence. I’ve learned in my own journey of raising two children who are now adults that the Bible offers valuable guidance on how to bless adult children. As you aim to bless your own adult children, you may be stressed by the transition from parenting children to encouraging adults. It may feel scary to see your adult children step out into the world without the safety net you had underneath them when they were young. But just as God is always there for you, he is always there for your adult children. The more you trust God, the more you encourage your adult children to do so – helping them build faithful and successful lives as adults. Here are seven ways to bless your adult children without overstepping.
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1. Pray for them.
Prayer is the most important way you can bless your adult children. Committing their journeys, struggles, and joys to God in prayer is a powerful way to support them without intruding. James 5:16 points out: “… The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” By persistently praying for your adult children, you are welcoming God to work in their lives in ways beyond your understanding. Make prayer a regular part of your routine. Set aside specific times each day to pray for your adult children in all the specific ways they need God’s help. Whenever you catch yourself worrying about them, turn those worries into prayers in the moment. Pray about everything that you want God to help your adult children with, and trust that God will answer your prayers in the best ways and in his perfect timing. Consider keeping a prayer journal where you can record specific requests and God’s answers. Over time, that will allow you to see many wonderful ways that God is working in their lives.
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2. Respect their choices.
Respecting your adult children’s choices, even when they differ from your own desires or beliefs, is crucial in showing them love and respect. Romans 14:4 reveals that it’s God – not people – who ultimately helps someone live a faithful and successful life: “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.” Trusting God’s sovereignty over your adult children’s lives frees you to respect their autonomy and bless them as they make decisions – whether or not you agree with the specific decisions they make. When they make choices that differ from what you would have chosen for them, resist the urge to impose your opinions or expectations on them. Instead, offer guidance and advice when asked, but ultimately trust that they are capable of making their own decisions. By respecting their autonomy, you affirm their ability to rely on God during challenges and grow into the people God has called them to be.
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3. Model healthy boundaries that encourage their independence.
Modeling healthy boundaries in your relationships with your adult children sets a positive example for them to follow in their own lives. Ephesians 4:29 exhorts: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” By maintaining respectful boundaries, you demonstrate your love and respect for them while also preserving their autonomy. So, be intentional about setting boundaries that protect both your adult children and your own well-being. Clearly communicate your expectations and limits, while also respecting their boundaries and freedom. Rather than imposing your own plans on your adult children, pray for them to discover and fulfill God’s purposes for their lives. Instead of trying to convince them to do something you think is good for them, simply ask the Holy Spirit to guide them day by day. Proverbs 16:3 encourages you to: “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” By allowing your adult children to make their own decisions and supporting them in their pursuits, you bless them with the confidence to build the abundant God lives God wants them to live. Help them feel empowered to take risks and pursue their dreams. Offer them words of encouragement, reminding them that you are cheering them on every step of the way. Celebrate their accomplishments, rejoicing in their growth as they live independent adult lives.
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4. Encourage them to experience God’s work through wonder.
Encouraging your adult children to pursue wonder will help them notice and appreciate God’s work in their lives. That will deepen their faith and strengthen their well-being. Job 5:9 says that God “…performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.” By cultivating a sense of wonder, your adult children can experience God’s presence directly in profound ways. Encourage your adult children to explore nature, since creation reveals the Creator’s qualities and can inspire them to move closer to God. Ask them about the music, art, and shows they’ve enjoyed lately and any creative projects they’re working on themselves, since they can encounter God’s wonder through creative pursuits. Let them feel free to discuss what they’ve been learning lately, since curiosity can lead them to wonder and help them cultivate a deeper appreciation for God’s work in their lives and in our world.
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5. Give them emotional support.
Even though your children have already grown into adulthood, they still need emotional support from you. Romans 12:15 urges you to: Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Make yourself available to listen to them whenever they want to talk – and do so without judgment or unsolicited advice. As often as possible, offer them words of encouragement, letting them know that you appreciate them. Express empathy during difficult times without encroaching on their independence. When they make mistakes, don’t jump in to rescue them, but let them learn from those mistakes since God wants them to become lifelong learners. Celebrate their successes by sharing in their excitement when they achieve a goal or reach a milestone. Host a celebration in their honor, write them a heartfelt note of congratulations, or simply make time to express your pride in their accomplishments. Your support and encouragement will strengthen their confidence and inspire them to continue pursuing their dreams. Being present and attentive to their emotional needs is a powerful way to show your love and support.
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6. Offer practical help.
Offering practical help is a tangible way to bless your adult children. But be sure to help them only with their needs (not just anything they desire), and only when what they ask for is truly something you can offer without interfering with their independence. Feel free to say “yes” if they ask you for occasional help, such as childcare so they can enjoy date nights, meals when they’re sick, or transportation if they need it. But don’t help them in ways that make them dependent on you, such as by loaning them money. Simply be there for them when they need some extra care during crises, or in specific ways on a regular basis that you mutually agree are meaningful. Galatians 6:2 exhorts you to: “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” By helping them in practical ways, you show your love and support without imposing yourself on their lives. Your willingness to help them with their genuine needs while respecting their independence communicates your love and commitment to their well-being.
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7. Point them to God.
Your adult children can thrive while living independently from you when they’re dependent on God, just as you are. So, develop a regular habit of praying for them. Share biblical wisdom with them in respectful ways, at appropriate times. But be sure not to lecture them, which can turn them away from both you and God. Instead, simply share the Gospel message with them through your loving actions and by telling them about how God is working in your own life. Proverbs 3:5-6 urges: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” By sharing your faith and pointing them toward God, you equip them to make their own choices with discernment. Take opportunities to share your faith journey and the lessons you’ve learned along the way as you walk with Jesus through life. Offer to pray for them about their concerns, and if they’re open to it, pray together about those concerns. Day by day, let God’s love flow through your life into your adult children’s lives. Keep in mind that it’s ultimately God – not you – who will empower your adult children to thrive. Show them what it looks like to rely on God with strong faith.
In conclusion, blessing your adult children without overstepping requires love, wisdom, and respect. Your heavenly Father can give you all of that in abundance. So, trust God to help you bless your adult children. When you rely on God to help you in your relationships with them, you can avoid overstepping and enjoy mutual trust together. That will encourage your adult children to live with the confidence that they’re loved and supported well.
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Originally published Thursday, 29 February 2024.
