"I think the best way that you can help a friend who is struggling with infertility is to listen. And to not try and fix it for them. I think we readily just want to provide a solution or find a book or a resource which is all really nice and some books and resources are helpful and some actually are a disservice. Even just sitting and crying with somebody or talking with someone or saying, 'I'll go sit with you.'
I remember I had to get a procedure done and my husband was not able to go with me that day and I was just telling my friend, 'Man this is going to be so hard.' And she said, 'I'll just go with you.' And I said, 'I don't think they're going to let you in the room with me.' And she said, 'I'm just going to wait in the lobby. Or in the parking lot, whatever you feel.' And she drove with me and when I came out of the office I was incredibly emotional and she just sat in the lobby and we just cried in the lobby together. It was the most wonderful thing because she didn't do anything but drive me there. And I could've drove myself there. I was fine. I'm self sufficient, I'm fine. But just her presence allowed me to not have to act as strong as I was hoping to be. And just her praying over me was so kind.
And so I think you don't know what to say and you're going to fumble around but as long as you keep in mind that there is a deep seated desire to grow a family and to be a mom and acknowledge that. Don't dismiss that. And don't give them false platitudes either. Oh, that'll happen someday or it's not helpful to say, 'Oh, you know what happens? You adopt a child and then you'll get pregnant right away.' I can't tell you how many times I've heard that.
Oh if I just adopt a child or if I act more Christian this will happen. Or if have more faith. These are unhelpful and really hurtful things to say. I think just being present and just offering a shoulder, offering an ear and you don't even have to say anything, but being present I think is incredibly important so that person doesn't feel so alone."
Originally published Wednesday, 03 July 2019.
